Baking At 2am, This Actually Happened
I don’t bake.
In fact, if you ask my kids they will tell you that I only make cookies at Christmas time.
However just about a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night and baked a cake. I just felt this incredible desire to bake a cake, so strange and there I was at 2am, making a cake.
I have not baked a cake in YEARS.
The beauty of it was without me knowing my daughter needed a cake for school and I made it just in time for her to bring it. I let her decorate it and away it went.
I couldn’t make sense of it, until I woke up this morning.
It’s When God Wasn’t Even In The Mix
I’ve been trying *so* hard to figure something out major in my life, it’s been a complete roadblock for me.
When I was younger 19 to be exact I started my business. Within 2 years there I was sitting in an office with a rather large document in front of me.
It was my first lease agreement.
As I was scanning over it all my initial desire was to get directly to the page where the main terms of the agreement were.
The monthly cost of the space and the percentage over and above that.
I was proud of myself, you see when you lease a space inside the mall they normally charge you a percentage of your sales over and above the monthly rent.
I managed to negotiate the magical percentage away.
Super proud of myself, after reading it all I checked, checked, initialed, signed and dated.
I was now the proud owner of a monthly space inside the mall.
I did that at 21 years old by myself with my then husband.
No financial help from friends or family, I worked my butt off.
I got the store set up exactly how I wanted and as professional as I wanted and I picked up the phone to call my next mall.
Normally what happens when you want to lease inside aBut do you know that you can too play these PPSSPP games on Android and iOS by downloading a simple emulator? Yes, you heard that right! mall you see the leasing manager. I made an appointment with her there and as we were walking through her *very* big and busy mall, looking through stores, we kind of became friends.
There I was at about 22 years old convincing her to come and see my store and she agreed.
She viewed my store and wanted it inside her mall too.
We came to an agreement and up went my next store.
By the time I was 24 years old I had 5 store locations around the Lower Mainland which included building one from scratch.
The store space I had to work with just had concrete walls. No ceiling, no floor, all concrete.
I arranged all the flooring, ceiling, plumbing, h-vac system, inspectors, tiling, store fixtures and on.
But through all that, just 20 years old when I started God was never in the mix.
Yes I was a Christian but definitely not walking or living my life that way.
I was consumed with work and I loved it!
Then This Happened …
Here we were November 2007 waiting for Tori’s very first PET & CT Scan. It was to show where the cancer was so the oncologist could diagnose the stage of cancer she was in.
And This Happened …
The day they took my baby girl’s *total blood volume* out of her body 3 times, then heated it up and pumped it back into her body. It took all day to do, she was feeling ill that day and they managed to get the stem cells they needed for her transplant.
And This Happened …
This was the mask they covered my precious girl’s face and snapped her into the slab for a bed for her radiation treatments. It was created and molded for her and she wore it every time she had radiation. It held her head back and up completely in place for treatment.
The closest way that I can describe it is Farrah Fawcett’s Documentary that she did on it, she showed the real back stage story to this disease, vomiting and all.
Thank the Lord I had already sold & closed all 5 of my retail stores in May 2007. And the best gift of all my daughter is 5 years cancer free this year!
Today now 2014 – 7 Years Later From The Start of The Battle
Quickly after this all took place I sold off my entire online business never realizing when I did that just how hard it would be on me to get back to where I was, I am still on the journey and it will take me some time to ever get to the level of income that I had back then, it was good … it was *really* good.
For the last couple of years I have been very intentional about wanting to have a business that actually has God in the mix. You know the kind where I pray over my business, listen to God’s voice to see where he’ll direct me and take steps of faith that I never did before.
I have been thinking on it, praying about it, being very careful that I am focusing completely on what I should be, not what I want because I knew once my foundation was in place I was going to rock it out quickly.
But to be very upfront with you, it’s been very tough on me. It’s emotionally tough mostly because I have wanted to run back to a retail store for a long time because that’s been my happy place.
I’ve also wanted to run back to my online business the way that it was running since 2004, full time since 2007.
Because it was my “happy place” where I knew how to make things click. I don’t feel that way anymore thankfully but why oh why Lord was this so hard? Why wasn’t the money pouring in like it used to?
For the last 2 years I have been questioning God, “Father, why is it when I didn’t include you in my plans I was crazy successful and now when *do* include you in every single decision, I’m barely getting started?”
I Woke Up To My Reply This Morning, February 7th, 2014 at 7:17am.
“It’s because I wasn’t in the mix”
I thought to myself, but you ARE in the mix God.
“It’s because I wasn’t in the mix”
Then the flash of my night where I was baking at 2am came to my mind and it hit me.
When I was 20 years old I never once doubted that my business wouldn’t work & it showed. I grew to 5 store locations in a matter of a few short years.
God wasn’t in the mix then but my FAITH in what I was doing was.
Now imagine for a moment, my Faith wasn’t in God, it was in my own abilities.
The reason for all my struggle and wanting to *run* back to my old way of doing things is because even though I have been speaking my yap off about “letting God lead and guide my business for the first time in my life…”
I never had FAITH that it would work.
Kinda crazy hey?!
I never had faith because I knew that I wasn’t doing this in my own strength & my own abilities. I had more faith in myself than I have with God this entire time.
This may be obvious to you, but it sure wasn’t to me until just this morning.
I know that I have set the foundation and now it’s time to build and grow fast because it’s ok, I know I just need to release my faith in Him and this baby will grow far beyond what I have *ever* done.
And that is huge! I know what I’ve done without him now I’m pretty excited, even a little nervous as to how this will all grow.
I’m just starting to discover how to walk this out, a faith filled business.
Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
What a journey it’s been!
I would love to hear your thoughts on all of this, just leave a comment below. 🙂
PS. I think I need to do more baking (lol!)